Who’s the smartest?

The German media likes to pick up stories of rather dubious merit, although I suppose thats not a uniquely German trait. One headliner in the respected newspaper “Die Zeit” indicated that “You don’t have to be smart to be a Bayern fan!”. What this was based on of course was some silly non-statistically significant study. A German website, xing.de, which looks to be a Linked-in copycat, apparently also hosts Bundesliga discussion groups (OK, that makes it better than linkedin!). And based on some results from this, they announced some “interesting” results. Now of course, a statistician can see the holes big enough to drive a truck through, but there is some amusing content…

First they merely counted the number of fans (presumably you register as such, so it’s biased on that account already). But anyway, here are the most popular teams:

1. FC Bayern München
2. Borussia Dortmund
3. Werder Bremen

OK, no surprise for the top two, and Bremen, well, they are popular (A similar recent poll in sport-bild had Schalke slightly edging Bremen)

But then things get more interesting. The next category was

“Who has the most university student and graduate fans?

1. Eintracht Braunschweig
2. SC Freiburg
3. VfB Stuttgart

What?! Apparently university is overrated. I already knew that, I’m a graduate of UC Berkeley, and I’m pretty dumb.
Now of the above three, all had over 70% of their “Xing” fans with univeristy association. Maybe study makes you lousy at picking winning teams. Anyway, Bayern apparently finished middle of the pack, hence Die Zeit pondering whether you had to be intelligent to be a Bayern fan. (Aside from the statistical nonsense, it does show German intellectual bias towards academic titles, even though their politicians apparently love to cheat on their doctorate theses, hehehe…inside joke for you Germanophiles).

Now of course the list has to have losers. Well they didn’t come out and say it, “who’s the dumbest fans”, but rather,

“Who has the *least* university grads?

16. Hamburger SV
17. Mainz
18. Augsburg

A bit unfair, as even last place Augsburg with 51% is more than half, so those Fuggers are fine. Let’s just say this shows that smart people like the Bundesliga, upon which I’m sure we could all agree…

Then it gets more interesting

“Who’s got the most board members?”

1. TSG 1899 Hoffenheim (17.0%)
2. 1. FSV Mainz 05 (12.9%)
3. Eintracht Braunschweig (11.6%)

OK, apparently the only people that cheer for Hoffenheim are the SAP board. And a lot of them probably live close to Mainz, so maybe not too much of a stretch. Now I think that’s way too many board members, so they probably really meant upper management. Braunschweig makes no sense at all, but they’re probably those university graduates that cheated on their exams, so they’re used to lying.

“Who’s got the least board members?”

16. Borussia Dortmund (8.1%)
17. Bayer 04 Leverkusen (7.6%)
18. VfL Wolfsburg (7.2%)

Ah ha!! Now we know something is wrong! OK, as all fellow Schalke fans know, I guess the Neons being unwashed prols is pretty accurate. But clearly something is wrong with Leverkusen and Wolfsburg. These are in fact the only two clubs that are fully owned by corporations, so you’d think the board would be truly behind it. OK, maybe not Leverkusen, since they were really founded in 1904 and it was a clever way to hoodwink the Bayer working class. But Wolfsburg? Cmon, I think their only fans are the VW board, and they only started paying attention in the last 15 years or so.

Whose fans are self-employed?

1. FSV Mainz (12.0%)
2. Hertha BSC (11.0%)
3. Augsburg (10.0%)

Whatever. Just shows that Germans are mostly working stiffs just like the rest of us. I see those Fuggers made another list…

“Whose fans are NOT self-employed”

16. Werder Bremen (6%)
17. Bayer Leverkusen (6%)
18. VfL Wolfsburg (4%)

OK, finally one that makes sense! Obviously, unless you worked for Bayer or Volkswagen, would you even consider rooting for them ??

Then we get to the most important question:

“Where’s the best stadium to get a date?” (aka female fans)

1. FSV Mainz (24%)
2. VfL Wolfsburg (19%)
3. Werder Bremen (18%)

OK, Mainz seems like a pretty good place to visit, and you don’t even have to impress them with a “Herr Doktor” title, since most of them didn’t go to college (or maybe that means you should be a German politician, because perhaps they *would* be impressed.) Volkswagen on the list again. Good grief. Well maybe VW is progressive in their employment policies…

“No date for you!!!” (aka fewest female fans)

1. Braunschweig (10%)
2. Bayern München (9%)
3. Gladbach (9%)

So maybe there is something to the 1860 fan comment “FCB is gay”.

OK, I think this has gone far enough….only could go downhill from here…

Cheers! :)

One thought on “Who’s the smartest?

  1. Funny, funny, funny. Just a few comments:

    1. “unwashed prols” as a description of Dortmund fans is fine with me. When I played club soccer in Germany, there were only two kids on the entire team who were on the ‘college track’ type of school. College education, as you say, is overrated, mostly a means of indoctrination (and, in the US, debt slavery as well :-)

    2. I once read this comment on YouTube: “Arbeitslos und eine Flasche Bier. Das ist S04.” Anyone who’s lived in the Ruhrpott can appreciate this…

    3. That a very traditional German university allows some “von-und-zu Freiherr” to massively plagiarize his dissertation, even though plagiarism is nowadays so easily found out, is probably the clearest sign of German “Untergang” that I’ve yet encountered. If the most conservative of institutions don’t even know how to conserve their standards – and thereby influence – they’re truly fucked.

    4. Bayern in second for “fewest female fans” is not surprising. I’m not even going to elaborate on this. It makes total sense in light of their fan profile.

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